Rage stands alone and is begging to be loved

I’m so fucking sick and tired of people saying, “Oh, underneath rage or anger is sadness.”

No. Rage stands alone and is begging to be loved.

Why do we feel the need to soften or lessen these emotions just because they're perceived as negative?

Do we say under happiness lies sadness? No. Because happiness is accepted and appreciated as it is—pure, unfiltered, and valid. Why? Because we see it as positive.

I’ve been a sad person most of my life. Why? Because anger wasn’t an option for me.

I learned to process my anger by transforming it into sadness—because being sad was more acceptable.

Heaven forbid I turn into a “crazy bitch” like my stepmother.

Worst yet, my father yelling out my worst feared sentence

“Oh, you are just like your mother!”—a strong, unapologetic, angry, hedonistic lesbian.

You know what was really underneath all of my sadness, shame, fear, eating disorders, autoimmune issues, confusion, and suicidal thoughts?

Anger.

Rage.

Pure and untouched.

Waiting patiently to be found.

I made the choice to see it.

To really see her—the angry little girl inside me.

She had been abused, betrayed, neglected, manipulated, pushed down, left out, bullied, rejected, and abandoned.

I chose to see her. And I said:

"I love you.

I see you.

I hear you.

I HEAR you!!!"

And if no one else on this planet can hear you scream, I will stand here, and I will let you be angry.

Because what happened to you was wrong. It was not your fault, and it never should have happened.

You deserved better.

You deserved love.

And I—I am here to love you.

Just as you are.

It took me until I was 33 years old to realise that my anger was valid.

That it wasn’t something I needed to hide or internise into sadness just to be accepted.

Anger isn’t shameful.

Rage isn’t wrong.

This is simply the way we have been conditioned.

The level of healing I have experienced would have been impossible lest I allowed myself to feel my rage fully. To understand started to myself more deeply. To quite engaging with things and people I knew perpetuated my own bullshit.

I finally realized that the angry little girl inside of me, she wasn’t my enemy; she is my strength, my protector, my truth. A beacon of light that keeps me going.

So, where is the rage inside of you? How is she trying to get your attention?

Will you give her the time of day without cat fishing her as “sad?”

Rage and anger deserve the same space as joy and happiness. She deserves to be seen, accepted and felt without shame.

Doesn’t she?